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國外也有段子手:守護我們最好的教練!

西江月-song 10-07 21:07

小伙伴們大家好,歡迎來到本期的“國外也有段子手”!周末的歐洲賽場精彩看點層出不窮,尤文贏下與國米的焦點之戰,曼市雙雄紛紛輸球,熱刺、拜仁相繼失利,而阿森納、切爾西、皇馬、巴薩等豪門則紛紛取勝。好了,話不多說,讓我們快來看看歪果仁們的精彩吐槽吧!

接連不勝,曼聯0-1紐卡斯爾聯

TheNarrator23(切爾西球迷):曼徹斯特雙熊的分數加在一起,也就比利物浦多1分…(Liverpool is only 1 point behind both Manchester clubs combined.)

Melanjoly(曼聯球迷):我不是癡心妄想,但我真的希望我魔能有一腳射正…(Don't want to get carried away but I'm hoping to see an effort on target today.)

Farcenewanker(荷蘭球迷):真是一場保級的6分關鍵戰呢!(Big goal in this relegation 6 pointer.)

English_Do_U_SpeakIt(未知主隊球迷):索帥指引我們前行,結果把曼聯帶溝里去了…(Ole's at the wheel... and he's driving United into a ditch.)

DocaHyper(利物浦球迷):好期待在FM上挑戰一下玩曼聯!(Looking forward to a Manchester United challenge on Football Manager.)

IntenseIntentInTents(曼聯球迷):那這真是FM的最高難度了…(Football manager hardcore mode.)

Letsleepingdogslie(未知主隊球迷):弗雷德能賣5000萬,絕對是足球歷史上最大的搶劫案…(50m for Fred is the greatest robbery in football history.)

WetLikeMyJumperTho(利物浦球迷):弗雷德的所有貢獻,還比不上桑切斯當時彈鋼琴…(Sanchez playing the piano was better than anything Fred has ever done.)

Coysim(熱刺球迷):謝謝你曼聯,讓我們在狗血的路上不再孤單…(Thank you, Manchester United, for sharing the banter with us.)

OTBT-7(未知主隊球迷):就算現在的魯尼也能輕松在曼聯首發!(Current Rooney would easily be a starter for this United team.)

YIIZWL(英格蘭球迷):如果你是馬奎爾,離開了爭四的萊斯特城,而加盟了保級的曼聯…(Imagine being Maguire. Leave Leicester challenging for top 4, only to get relegated with United.)

JedH44(赫爾城球迷):可能腦袋大并不意味著腦子多吧…(Big head doesn't equal big brain I guess.)

merrykieran2(未知主隊球迷):但錢多是肯定的。(Equals big money though.)

Hyploid(未知主隊球迷):曼聯的比賽還比不上“權力的游戲”第八季好看呢!(Game of Thrones season 8 was better than this.)

HippoBigga(巴薩球迷):15年后,90后和00后們將告訴自己剛長大的孩子,很久以前有支叫曼聯的球隊曾是英超最佳…(In 15 years all the kids who grew up in the 1990s and 2000s will be telling their kids how United used to be the best team in England a long time ago.)

距離榜首8分,曼城0-2狼隊

Dalyon(里昂球迷):上帝啊,幫幫曼城的下一個對手吧…(God help City's next opponent.)

GhostRiders(利物浦球迷):特么還有30場比賽要踢啊…我的小心臟已經受不了了,菊花都已經碎成渣渣了…(Fucking hell we still have 30 games to go...I don't think my heart will be able to cope, my arse is already in pieces.)

h97i(利物浦球迷):庫特羅內就像是打折促銷的本澤馬一樣…(Cutrone plays like a clearance sale Benzema.)

Nbest19(曼城球迷):好吧,對方禁區里一堆1米95的大漢把你的傳中都頂出來了,然后你的解決方法就是再多傳中幾次…(Well, when you've crossed the ball in so many times against their 6ft 5 defenders who win every header. The only reasonable thing to do is cross it some more.)

YKHM16(未知主隊球迷):快藏起來你們的中后衛,曼城要買買買啦!(Hide your center backs. City are on the prowl.)

HeinzMayo(阿森納球迷):親,我們這有好可愛的中后衛呢,穆斯塔菲還贏過世界杯的哦,你曉不曉得啦親?(We've got some lovely ones they can have. Mustafi has won the world cup didn't you know?)

Yashah999(曼城球迷):不應該笑話熱刺的…(Shouldn't have made Tottenham jokes.)

_notathrowaway(未知主隊球迷):感覺瓜瓜可能要找人去抄奧塔門迪的家了…(I think Pep might actually have people rob Otamendi's house after this one.)

大衛-路易斯首球,阿森納1-0伯恩茅斯

bingobango157(馬賽球迷):當聽到路易斯進球時,我還以為是烏龍呢…(Assumed this was going to be an own goal when I saw Luiz’s name.)

Yedin00(阿森納球迷):這是什么世道,我們竟然只落后曼城1分?(How on earth are we a point behind Man City.)

Xhoquelin(阿森納球迷):感覺好幾年沒看到我們角球傳中進頭球了…這還是穆斯塔菲的絕招呢!(Feels like it's been years since we scored a header from a corner. One thing Mustafi could do.)

UrgotToBeKiddingMe(阿森納球迷):我還以為進球的是貢多齊…(I thought it was Guendouzi at first who scored.)

Tylershenanigans(多特蒙德球迷):真不知道說什么好,如果你感興趣的話,我可以教你一個做中國傳統月餅的配方~(Dont know what to reply but ill drop a traditional chinese mooncake recipe if youre interested.)

GunstarGreen(諾丁漢森林球迷):這真是我看過最無聊的比賽之一了!(That might be one of the most boring games I have ever watched.)

lost_biochemist(阿森納球迷):難道你沒看過阿森納上賽季的比賽嗎?(Did you not watch our last PL game?)

伊瓜因制勝球,尤文2-1國米

IanCaesars(利物浦球迷):薩里到底最愛什么,香煙還是小煙槍(伊瓜因)?(What Sarri loves more? Pipita or cigarettes?)

Setirb(葡萄牙球迷):看來AC米蘭已經把米蘭城的紅黃牌都用光了,所以這場比賽沒有牌可發啦!(Looks like AC Milan already used all the cards cards allocated to the city in the last game, none left for the Inter game.)

CaptainSkull22(未知主隊球迷):我猜伊瓜因在英格蘭是吃飯不習慣吧…(i guess higuain hated the food in England.)

Jollyinthebox(未知主隊球迷):看來也是不喜歡阿根廷菜啊,但嚴格來說,伊瓜因這體型也不像是挑食的人…(apparently he also hates argentine food. but seriously, Higuain does not look like someone who's picky about food.)

he1101(AC米蘭球迷):盧卡庫真是尤文的最佳后衛,把國米的進攻全給解圍了!(Lukaku was the best Juve defender he destroyed all your attacks.)

SuperSayanVegeta(尤文球迷):好開心我們沒買盧卡庫,他去國米就讓我更開心了!(So happy we didn't get lukaku and even happier he went to inter.)

Nudemales1(曼聯球迷):盧卡庫面對強隊還是進不了球,真有點幸災樂禍呢!(ah nice to see Lukaku still being useless in big games.)

Furytud(未知主隊球迷):沒了盧卡庫,現在你們還能虐菜嗎?(Can you score in small games now?)

Pushtopull(未知主隊球迷):我今年12歲,這是我人生中第一次看意甲比賽,真是不錯呀,下次有強強對話是啥時候?(This is the first italian game I've watched in my life, I'm only 12, I'm in love with it. When is my next big game lads?)

c0mplexx(AC米蘭球迷):孩子,不管怎樣都不要當AC米蘭球迷,不然你恐怕活不到20歲…(Whatever you do don't become a milan fan or you won't make it to 20.)

蘇神梅西進球,巴薩4-0塞維利亞

Afk94(未知主隊球迷):9人作戰都能贏球,巴薩高層正打算給巴爾韋德續約呢!(Barca board about to give Valverde a contract extension for winning with 9 men.)

KapSan1(巴薩球迷):洛佩特吉的救贖之路不算順利呀!(Lopetegui's redemption tour in shambles.)

poweraavash(未知主隊球迷):洛佩特吉又要在諾坎普踢完球被炒了…(Lopetegui getting sacked again after the game at Camp Nou.)

Ddywhorse(未知主隊球迷):未來蘇亞雷斯只會被人們記住兩件事,凌空神仙球和現實版漢尼拔!(In the future, Suarez will be known for two things, lethal volleys and cannibalism.)

Whacky-Tobaccy90(巴薩球迷):登貝萊被罰下,一定是因為嘲笑裁判的發際線了…(I like to think Dembele said something about Lahoz’s hairline.)

Erratic85(巴薩球迷):哈哈,梅西踢任意球時有人臥草防低射,現在已經成為標配了!(Lol at the player who throws himself at the floor. Messi made that a thing.)

Coffeenick(未知主隊球迷):現在,梅西的任意球不進才會讓我驚訝…(At this point I'm more surprised when Messi freekicks DON'T go in.)

mr_salsa123(未知主隊球迷):巴薩的比賽已經有定式了:巴薩XJBT—小獅子神撲—蘇亞雷斯神仙球—巴薩大勝。(Barcelona games in a nutshell: Barca bad-->ter stegen saves--->suarez banger--->barca dominating.)

rowerine(巴薩球迷):俗話怎么說來著,不要在諾坎普穿白色球衣!(There is a popular saying that goes "never play in white at tge Camp Nou")

洛里傷退,熱刺0-3布萊頓

alou404(曼聯球迷):熱刺球員還以為他們在踢拜仁呢!(Tottenham players think they're still playing against Bayern.)

arro-reatinus(阿森納球迷):看到洛里受傷的肩膀,真的不想再幸災樂禍熱刺的丟球了…(I can't even celebrate this goal properly watching Lloris' elbow.)

VictorAkwaowo1(皇馬球迷):要是波切蒂諾比索爾斯克亞還提前下課,評論區會怎么樣…(Scenes on this sub when Pochettino gets sacked before Ole.)

Escherbach(熱刺球迷):從數學角度,2-7到0-3已經是一種進步了!照著趨勢,圣誕節之前我們差不多就能贏球了!(2-7 to 0-3 is an improvement, mathematically. If the trend continues, we could be winning matches before Christmas!)

SirWele(阿森納球迷):我的陽痿瞬間就治好了…(My erectile dysfunction has been cured.)

oderatelyTortoise(阿森納球迷):每次看到扎卡踢球,我就安慰自己熱刺球迷看的可是戴爾…(Whenever I watch Xhaka play, I just remind myself that Spurs fans have to watch Dier.)

主場輸球,拜仁1-2霍芬海姆

GameplayerStu(維拉球迷):現在就看霍芬海姆和布萊頓的王中王之戰了!(Now we need Hoffenheim vs Brighton to crown the real winner.)

zorokvillian(多特蒙德球迷):當拜仁輸球的時候,我們肯定是平局…(Of course we drew when Bayern lost.)

NorbertPL(熱刺球迷):我還是沉默吧…(I prefer not to speak.)

ForgedTanto(拜仁球迷):本想看這場比賽呢,結果拜因體育卻讓我先看了一段網球,這都什么鬼?(Would love to watch the game but Bein seems pretty set on making me watch the Tennis end first.. ffs.)

順利取勝,切爾西4-1南安普頓

XenonHerrDoktor(切爾西球迷):蘭帕德終于因為門線技術獲利了一次…(Lampard finally benefiting from goal line technology.)

kd_uoft(切爾西球迷):蘭帕德世界杯曾進過1個球…在我心中。(He has 1 world cup goal... in my heart.)

Helkix(阿森納球迷):真特么服了,無論發生什么,為啥切爾西最后總能踢得不錯…(Fucking hell, how are Chelsea always decent despite whatever happens to them...)

Tellymundo(切爾西球迷):混亂是一把階梯。(Chaos is a ladder.)

CaptainSkull22(未知主隊球迷):威廉今晚被阿扎爾附體啦!(Willian was possessed by Hazard tonight.)

InfidelAdInfinitum(羅森博格球迷):有什么辦法能讓切爾西的轉會禁令再延長一些嗎?(Is there anyway that Chelsea can get the transfer ban extended?)

米爾納絕殺,利物浦2-1萊斯特城

Nyhrox(曼聯球迷):沃日哦,又是這劇情!(Fuck this plot armor again.)

artie_fresh(利物浦球迷):哪里哪里,運氣而已!(Lucky lucky lucky)

thetruthyoucanhandle (利物浦球迷):上次薩拉赫在安菲爾德出場而利物浦輸球的時候,薩拉赫還在切爾西效力呢!(Liverpool have only ever lost one Premier League home game with Salah on the pitch. In that game, Salah was playing for Chelsea.)

carpie101(切爾西球迷):利物浦怎么補時總能進這么多球?和弗格森時代一樣,確實是強隊的標志!(Liverpool are so jammy with last minute goals, but that's the mark of a good team, just like with Alex Ferguson.)

阿扎爾進球,皇馬4-2格拉納達

ZenoXephon(霍芬海姆球迷):巴爾韋德今天絕對是皇馬最佳!額,怎么感覺怪怪的…(Valverde best player of RM today, idk but i find this funny.)

Jvcarreira(巴西球迷):巴爾韋德對皇馬真是滿門忠烈…(It seems the Valverde family is great for Madrid.)

matthieuC(法國球迷):巴薩球迷現在有兩個巴爾韋德需要擔心了…(So now Barcelona fans have two Valverde to dread.)

Nocomet(巴薩球迷):如果你們愿意,我們可以互相交換巴爾韋德!(we can swap valverdes if you want.)

好了,親愛的小伙伴們,本期的“國外也有段子手”就為大家播報到這了,讓我們拭目以待,來看下期歪果仁們更加精彩的犀利吐槽吧!

消息參考來源: reddit

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熱門評論(16)

2019-10-07 21:10:43

627

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2019-10-07 21:15:16

359

這翻譯才是真正的段子手

查看回復(11)

2019-10-07 21:11:32

206

82又一新爹:盧克德容

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2019-10-07 21:08:04

191

對不起,我只守護克倫克

查看回復(1)

2019-10-07 21:11:12

151

82微微一笑,4連勝就是一波開啟。

2019-10-07 21:26:49

147

“我真特么服了,為啥不論發生什么,切爾西總能踢得不錯”,因為我們是切爾西,我們永不放棄

查看回復(2)

2019-10-07 22:14:04

124

這個新聞太戳眼了,乍一看我還以為是……

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2019-10-07 21:41:34

112

德國cctv5?原來德甲在哪都是和網球綁定的

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2019-10-07 21:20:53

89

不如權游八?這話太傷人

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2019-10-07 21:43:07

80

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2019-10-07 21:56:40

55

滿門忠烈真的過于優秀了,可以@北外入取了~

2019-10-07 22:02:34

52

評論數說明了一切

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2019-10-07 21:58:52

50

有個問題,懂球帝fc真的解散了嗎?踢完女足就沒有看到過元氣滿滿的星期四了

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2019-10-07 22:46:17

41

TheNarrator23(切爾西球迷):曼徹斯特雙熊的分數加在一起,也就比利物浦多1分…(Liverpool is only 1 point behind both Manchester clubs combined.)

2019-10-07 21:16:50

33

AC米蘭:天足不說我了,想不到在這里我任然沒逃過

2019-10-07 21:17:05

29

不看曼城但卻喜歡尬吹的朋友們了解一下:曼城的主力雙中衛是拉波+石頭,中場核心除了喜娃只有丁丁,鋒線上有個叫薩內的爆點,現在他們都躺在醫院

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